where our secrets lie

Sometimes, even I don't realise how heavy this all must seem. You don't know how mortified I often feel by some of these rather personal things I share--whether it's going out to the right audience or not, and how it might be negatively perceived (only to later realise that I've actually been suffering a consistent mental breakdown...). But it's all within reason - we'll breathe again, as I must keep reminding myself - if not to be another to demonstrate how freedom's consuming itself, but to be someone who you can trust to have been through the doldrums and fought to come out of it an enlightened man; it's not easy to contain an impartial view of life, especially when the tide's already against you. So in case you're wondering, no I'm not bleeding for myself; I'm not attention seeking--just trying to make myself understood! I hope you're watching me! For every trigger I pull, I also record a euphony. It's called compassion.

I've come to no longer expect praise or support for what I do, practically satisfying my own desires on this "head trip" (albeit in vain)... but do try to understand; I'll be damned if you can't see through me by now. Anyone can write words; play a musical instrument; record with a microphone and create an online profile. It helps me to see with clarity and overcome adversities, as well as prepare for whatever might be ahead (take a look around - premonitions abound). After all, I do claim to be an aspiring musician/songwriter--and it pays to have an idea of what you wish to achieve by knowing what's going on in the world (outside your own world). And by no means am I suggesting that songwriters are superior to everyone else... heck, I'm more of a poet than a bona fide songwriter anyway, with foreseeably enough rhymes to write books with (just a matter of piecing all the lines together)! You might even catch me rapping with my younger bro at some point (not that that was how I originally planned to go)! Admittedly, I'm in this deep (somewhat wasted along the way, getting my blogs to their promising heights)--but at least I'm over the pretence; I dropped my inferiority complex some time ago; I'm learning to be as one. Good on those who go out their way to explore and advocate all kinds of art!

Yeah I'm self-assured (as if you couldn't already tell) but that was inevitable given how adverse my circumstances have been. Maybe I'll pop this bubble someday and find myself working some "proper" job... nothing is ever set in stone, after all. Hmm, now I'm making it sound like this is the end, but it's not even started yet... there's still much more to achieve. Like actually getting out there and playing live--though perhaps I won't be so hasty to give myself away next time! But I would never be too sure of that...