Saturday 20 November 2010

current/past circumstances (rants alert!)

Since April 2009, the fateful month that I was unlawfully thrown out the house I once lived in with my family, I've been residing in a spare bedroom at my aunt and uncle's place just on the outskirts of Plymouth city centre; which, up until August 2010, I had to share with my father (who had also been thrown out). It sucked BIG time then; I mean, me and my father even had to share the same freakin' bed... and I was 17 years old, just turning 18, through to 19! Now that's fucked up. What made it worse was that he hates music (how's that even possible!) and we generally NEVER see eye to eye.

Could you imagine me trying to practice my guitar, and just when I'm getting good at it, he'd basically tell me to shut up and label it as "noise" every time - even when it was often remorseful sounding... hit some guilty heartstrings there, did I?! Of course, anything was "heavy" to him, probably even 'Mary had a little lamb'... well fuck you is all I say to that! This had eventually brought me to, every single day, hiding out in the kitchen with my acoustic; notepad, and MP3 player to record; while my father, his dog, and his girlfriend occupied that small room; swearing and smoking their guts out to Call of Duty and its "zombie" multiplayer mode. And he kept telling me to get a life! Dumbass! And don't even get me started on that Elvis clock in the kitchen, OMG. It's one of those ones which plays a tune EVERY hour; needless to say, I can't stand Elvis! Yet here, his smug-ass mugshot hangs on me bedroom wall, grinning at me right now as I type... heh, joys. Gotta fucking love it.

Whew... feels good to get those demons out of me, trust! Feeling like my real self again! Ahh...

I'm just glad that whole ordeal is finally over now; after a year and several months, the council finally, gracefully got him a place to live, with his dog Benjie (the loud-mouthed, over-excited little terror; though bless him...), and with his girlfriend - who did I mention's actually the same age as me. Yeah, weird... right? But I've lost all effect now anyway, so nothing's ever really "weird" to me anymore... I had to bare with A LOT of painful times! "Suck it up and deal with it" was all that I could helplessly do... still, on the bright side, it was only more to fuel my songwriting fire!!

Aside from that shit-storm, I just cannot seem to get a freakin' job... every place I hand my CV into when they're advertising I rarely get any word back from them - only had a few interviews in the past few years I've been trying. How am I supposed to get work experience when no employer gives me any experience in the first place! Tough times we live in, fucking hell...!

So to sum my life up at the point of my lowest lows: pretty much everything's just shit really; nothing EVER seems to fall into place. But my intense desire to do something with music is what keeps me going. I don't know what the fuck I'd do without the music in my life or even imagine not having had my keyboard or guitar... it boggles my mind just thinking about it! *mind 'splodes*

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