It was about half-way through 2010 onward that I began taking a more forward approach with myself, becoming less softly outspoken... as result, I'm now much less the push-over I once was, being too easy and forgiving, as I hope this statement reveals. I am now a much stronger and more resilient individual--against the ones who'd otherwise spit at me. This change was due in hand to listening to my then sworn favourite bands and embracing their cults - including British indie rocker's Feeder and Ash - like they were few of the only things good in my life, becoming overly enthralled in their comforting worlds... but now I feel that I've moved up a level becoming more acquainted with, in particular, bands I've since also discovered myself, being the Smashing Pumpkins and Soundgarden--and have "toughened my bones on true-to-life sound" (as put from a recent lyric of mine). I'm now more your "take-no-prisoners" kind so to speak... though I shall never forget the light - always there - deep inside... and for another personal lyric of mine, "tear apart my little heart, but then it regrew to be so much bigger." The whole ordeal I've personally been through has made me rethink the values of life and I'm actually a more spirited person because of this than I ever was. Being unlawfully kicked out of home at 17 allowed me to explore the darker side of my writing style and was merely a fate of circumstance... nowt predetermined!
Throughout the months I've been building up this vocabulary of literature; in a ways developing my own language that's unique to me, to be moulded into soulful songwriting--whilst avoiding the faux of trying to be different, or edgy just for the sake of it. This has confirmed to myself what I'm more or less capable of and has enabled me to develop an artistic credibility that, beyond the Internet, I've still yet to properly reveal. Though my head isn't always stuck in 90s rock, it does tend to retain the magical integrity of the era that I was born--often as if it were never post-millennium! I admire this era in particular because the art of making music just seemed more free and creative. It's been through my lowest, sometimes overbearingly painful days that I've been at my strongest creatively; hence why I have so many potentially worthy demos, or at least ones that show what worth I do actually have... a lot of it's a blur to me now, but I have the recordings to evidence my personal "sickness"--my sorta transformation from light to dark, you could say. I managed to pull through though, still holding onto my own integrity... I've not sold my soul to anyone, and pride myself on hanging onto values rather than commercialism, where that can be helped.
In a gist: in my mind I've been places where most would fear dare travel, having practically made good friends with God and the Devil along the way... through my lows I've pretty much been tearing myself apart, with introspection et al. in the vein of my newly-discovered bands and their cults. On a whole, I've been somewhat traumatised, left feeling numb and unsure of myself when the only times I was happy were the times I forgot to feel depressed, pretty much. My folk's families generally don't take too well to one another and I've been in the middle of that for all how discomforting events of late have been... lest I say that I do rather hate my parents for what they've, often unnecessarily and unthoughtfully, put me through. But, as well as being strong minded, I'm also brave--even to just recently eventually deciding that higher education is actually not for me; NOTHING will stop me soldiering on through this "mission" so long as I can help it and I don't need an institute to dictate that for me!
With all my recordings and songwriting, plus musical direction, I am quite satisfied in my own world but now feel evermore determined and confident in myself to make a "no-bounds" establishment happen. Though I have a strong ear for melody, my strength lies mostly in writing empowering lyrics and that's what drives my ambition.
OK. Enough drama for your mama!
This is my earnest reasoning for wanting to front our very own "openhearted" band.
And remember, God granted us the ability to make decisions for ourselves. Peace out.
And remember, God granted us the ability to make decisions for ourselves. Peace out.
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